The Strangest Date Ever! Mujou and Kakera's Love?
"What a fight," Mujou sighed to himself, Pathos perched atop a nearby building (probably trying to shake off images of a naked Sailor Psi). Standing at the end of a rather long line for ice cream, Mujou stared up into the night sky, the moon high above the ice cream stand. He wondered what would happen now that Sailor Moon was...well...
"NEXT!" a brash voice called Mujou out of his thoughts. Looking ahead of him, though, he could see he was most certainly not next in line; the stand operator was just calling to the next person. Turning his thoughts on the moon once more, Mujou continued to ponder.
Could the Crisis Senshi really stop an enemy that even killed Sailor Moon? Who HAD killed Sailor Moon, and what were they after? The enemy he'd faced so far seemed to be after souls - were they after Sailor Moon's soul for the same reason, or had Sailor Moon's killer been someone else entirely? Were the enemies working together, or alone?
Mujou imagined himself meeting Sailor Moon. He wondered what she was really like. Was she as wonderful as the character he'd grown to love and even tried to emulate, or was she different entirely, as Misora and Kyoko seemed to be different from the Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune he knew? How would he ever KNOW, now that she was dead? It made him sad, but he couldn't think of any way to remedy the situation, so he simply tried to picture what Sailor Moon was like.
She must have been similar in appearance to the character he'd known as a child, for that's what she'd looked like in pictures of the "cosplay victim." He was surprised her murder hadn't brought about more of an uproar - it was rare these days to see a cosplayer killed randomly, and rarer still for it to be a Sailor Moon cosplayer.
Mujou continued to allow himself to be lost in thought, letting the line move ahead of him and numerous people cut in front of him...
Mujou would have, quite possibly, never gotten his icecream at all had a thin arm not snaked out and grabbed his hand; he was suddenly yanked forward next to the girl he had met before all the trouble had began, non-consensually roughed up into hand-holding by the teeny-tiny and obvious middle-schooler and her pretty yellow dress.
"Oh look, it's my BOYFRIEND," she trilled out, just to emphasise the fact to the entire line. "Excuse me! Excuse me! I will have two scoops of PEACH SORBET with those things you put on top! Boyfriend-san, what will you have?! Okay, just get him some chocolate, with double sprinkles, because that way if he doesn't eat it all I can have some!"
She bumped her hip into his. "You are lucky that I am non-traditional," she said conversationally. "Or else I might have waited demurely for you to make a decision oh my gosh."
Stuttering slightly upon being literally pulled away from his daydream (or was it nightdream?), Mujou looked down at the candy-coated little girl who was now holding his hand. It seemed as if he'd only just seen her...
...That was right! He'd met her right before the fight with Pearl, when she had to go somewhere. But wait...BOYFRIEND?!
"Wait a minute," Mujou stammered, looking around him as though the world had just exploded and he'd been the last to be informed. "I-I never said anything about - hey!" he exclaimed as she grabbed the ice cream from the vendor. "I-I don't have enough money for two ice creams! Oh, no..."
The man in front of him glared, seeming to expect the money anyway. With a brief moment of hesitation, Mujou focused upon the ice cream cones that sat atop the vendor's stand. In the next instant, the ice cream cones fell all over the ground, to the vendor's dismay. As the vendor and the rest of the people in line were miraculously distracted by this sudden turn of events, Mujou dashed into the nearest alleyway (since becoming Sailor Psi, he seemed to be becoming mysteriously better at finding alleys) and whirled Kakera around to face him.
Kneeling to bring himself to her level, Mujou said in the gentlest voice possible, "I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression before, but I'm not your boyfriend. I mean, I think you're very cute, and really very nice, and I'm sure there are a hundred billion better boyfriends for you at your age, but I'm in college and I really don't have time for a girlfriend and...um..." he continued reluctantly, not sure what to do. Hugging the little girl sincerely, the boy muttered, "I'm sorry."
If only Mujou had understood that telling a little girl you "don't have time" for her was completely tactless...
Kakera, nothing loath, had already taken an experimental bite of her icecream and stolen a portion of Mujou's, only pleased that a distraction had happened and that they had skedaddled away conveniently; all icecream-kleptomania ceased, however, as the older boy tried to give her his rejection, and her lower lip wobbled in existential misery at his refusal to be her Significant Other. Her big, shining eyes got even bigger, nearly impossibly so, and her voice was filled with a tremor of despair as she said:
"You don't liiiii~iiike me?"
Biting his lower lip worriedly, Mujou shook his head quickly, trying hard to comfort the little girl. "No, no, not at all! I MEAN," he blinked in confusion, trying to word his rejection properly. "I LOVE you, I really do, it's just that...um...I'm not good for you at all!" He hugged her again, trying to break it to her gently, patting her hair as he did so.
"I mean," he stammered. This was going nowhere incredibly fast. "I'm so much taller than you, and I'm in college, and you're...well...not..." he shrugged, and continued to speak even faster as her adorable eyes swelled. "And I don't have money, and I'm too busy to spend the kind of time with you that you deserve, and you deserve so much more than me, and please, please don't cry, becauseIreallylikeyouIreallydojustdon'tcryokaypleaseplease?"
By now Mujou was panting, holding Kakera's hand and desperately cooing to her.
The middle-schooler burst into a long, train-wail bloooooing noise, refusing to be comforted, flinging her arms around Mujou's shoulders and pushing his face into her incredibly and worryingly flat cleavage as she made honking noises to rival the public transit system. (In-between, while he wasn't looking, she ate another mouthful of her peach sorbet.) Kakera cried, loudly, brokenly and balefully, the type of noise that would attract the police or at least angry mothers to see who on earth was breaking the poor girl's heart.
Unable to resist any longer, Mujou begrudgingly yelled, "OKAY, OKAY, I'll be your boyfriend, just PLEASE stop crying!"
He held his hand to her mouth, trying (and failing) to stifle the blaring noises coming from it. "I like you, okay? Let's...um...let's be boyfriend and girlfriend..." he said, seeming to regret the words even as they left his mouth. "Just please don't tell the police, okay?"
Hearing the flapping of wings, Mujou looked above them; Pathos streaked across the sky, and a hoot-like laughter could be heard. Muttering under his breath, Mujou glared up; "I'll get you for that one, Pathos."
Looking back to Kakera, he stammered nervously, "U-um, what do you w-want to do now?"
Kakera passed him his icecream, fished a handkerchief out of her pocket that seemed 90% frill and dabbed her eyes with it: the tears were over as quickly as they had begun, and she beamed radiantly. "I'm so glad you're my boyfriend! You're the first boyfriend I ever had! Well, obviously! Haw, haw!"
For some reason, absolutely bemusingly, the younger girl punched Mujou in the shoulder: she had a curiously heavy right hook. "What do you like to do best? What's your star sign? What's your blood type? What's your future career? Where do you think we should live after we're married?! Do you like arcade games? Are you good at arcade games? Which character do you use in Tekken? Are you going to introduce me to your friends and family, Mujou-chan?!"
Flinching as the little girl punched him rather hard in the shoulder, Mujou couldn't shake the feeling that there was something rather off about this middle schooler. What it was, he couldn't say with any amount of certainty, but...she just was WEIRD. It was almost as though her life were an enormous play, and she was the lead actress...then again, middle schoolers did tend to be dramatic...
"Um..." Mujou thought for a moment, before answering Kakera's hyper flurry of questions with an equally hyper flurry of answers. "I love to draw, I'm an Aquarius, I'm B blood type, my future career is a mangaka (I mean, I hope - who can be certain, right?), I think we should live in Azabu Juuban JUST LIKE TAKEUCHI-SAM - I mean, because it's nice, I LOVE arcade games and I'm great at them, I use Michelle in Tekken because she is so KAWAII, and of course I'll introduce you to my friends and family..."
Suddenly thinking of what his parents might say upon discovering that he was dating a middle schooler, Mujou added the corrolary, "...but only after we've been dating for at least a year - any less would be presumptuous!"
Hey, at least being a college student dating a middle schooler was kind of like Mamoru and Usagi, right...? Then again, it felt much more disgusting now that he was living it...
"Ha ha ha! A mangaka! How dare you live in a house with a roof!" Nothing loath to this bizarre statement, Kakera put her hand immediately in Mujou's. "I'm so glad you use Michelle! I use Michelle too! We can both use Michelle! I knew we were ab-so-lu-tely made for each other! Even if you are poor and beneath me! I'm related to the Tenwa Zaibatsu family, you see! Oh, this is going to be SO AMAZING, MUJOU-CHAN!
"Also I can kick your ass in any Super Smash Brothers game you care to name," she added, which seemed to be uncharacteristically... unfeminine. Softened by: "I'm the first girl in class with a university boyfriend! They're all going to be so jealous!"
Grinning at his new girlfriend's ridiculous comments, Mujou had to admit that she was adorable (even if their relationship would probably be illegal). Nodding as she spoke, he finally interjected to say, "Oh! It's after dark - don't your parents want you home before then? They'll think we were...um...well, I mean..."
Without another moment to lose, Mujou stood and began walking in the opposite direction, dragging Kakera along by the hand. "Well, haha, why don't we go to the nearest arcade? I'll bet we can find a great game for you to beat me at!"
He only hoped to high heaven that no one saw him and suspected something horrible. His other hope was simple; appease Kakera by any means, to avoid another tantrum from her. Oh, this was not going to be fun.
"Okay! Let's do it!" Kakera clasped her hands together, took another bite of her sorbet and cheered. "This'll be so great, Mujou-chan! It's so romantic! Our first date together! I bet you're so happy and so pleased and I bet you never thought that you'd get a girlfriend as cute as me, ha ha I bet you'd never thought you'd get a girlfriend, am I right, but you are SO LUCKY because you have ME."
It was a little alarming how the smaller girl dragged Mujou behind her as she lugged him to an arcade; it was also alarming how she was shedding her sweet little-girl femininity every few minutes she was with him, mainly due to the fact that Pearl's driving thought was This guy is the greatest retard of all time! This is great! Kakera also seemed to have unlimited supplies of sugar-free gum, which she generously shared with him as she hustled a few middleschoolers out of the way so that they had unlimited access to Tekken.
Mujou's usual enthusiasm was somewhat stunted, seeing as he was dating a middle schooler in a crowd of middle schoolers, as a college boy. For a college student who acted like a middle schooler half the time, this was a rather awkward scenario to be in. He wasn't sure whether to play happily with Kakera, or to feel like the dirtiest pervert who ever lived, or to just run away, so he did what came naturally; try to talk about Sailor Moon. As Kakera beat him down in Tekken.
"So, um," he piped up as his purple-suited Michelle was beaten down by Kakera's pink-suited variety. "Do you like Sailor Moon? I LOVE Sailor Moon - it's definitely my favorite manga ever!" This was interjected with occasional pauses, followed by frantic button mashing, and then the sentence would resume. Mujou tried his best to focus on the game, and not all the middle schoolers who were giving the two of them (who must have looked like the strangest couple ever) some very suspicious glares, and a few nasty little whispers.
Mujou tried to enjoy his sugar-free gum quietly, but sugar-free somehow was a synonym for flavor-free, so he instead avoided the desire to swallow.
"Oh sure, I love Sailor Moon," Kakera announced cheerfully, digging up more gum and showcasing a disquieting ability to play Tekken one-handed as she added more to the wad. "Don't you love how Takeuchi-sama made all their legs like nine miles long? Who's your favourite? Because all of them are my favourite!" (Not so secretly, Pearl had already gotten morbidly turned-off by anything prefixed by a "Sailor", but hey, pretty pictures.)
"Haha," Mujou laughed, with a slight tinge of nervousness as his Michelle continued to be thrashed. "I think their legs are so pretty! My favorite is Sailor Moon - she's my role model." Blowing a rather large bubble just to try to show Kakera that yes, he could chew gum too (even if said bubble burst all over his face), Mujou continued in his rambling.
"Don't you think Sailor Moon and I are similar?" he said with a smile, briefly glancing at Kakera before he heard his character scream the scream of a K.O. "She's so amazing - I wish I could be just like her!"
Suddenly thinking of another thing to talk about, he decided to see just how popular he'd become. "Have you heard of this new guy going around fighting crime, though? Sailor Psi?" he was barely hiding his excitement at the mention of himself. "There might be an article in the newspapers about him. I think he's so cool! I wish I could be him!"
What are you talking about? was Pearl's first mental response: he looks like a TOTAL RETARD, what's with that DUMB STUPID HAT, he is a deeply non-dignified LOSER. Kakera had to strain not to actually say this; but then she realised exactly why she was dating Mujou, and with a soft filter-lens smile she watched her character cheer after beating Mujou's. "I think he's SO AWESOME," she said. "Don't you love that picture of him in the newspaper with that ADORABLE HAT THAT FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRLS WEAR but it still looks good on him (what am I saying)!"
Kakera swooned, taking a deep, romantic breath. "I'd LOVE to meet him! Mujou-chan, if you meet him, you have to tell me! He's my hero in tight pants!"
Mujou giggled a bit, blushing and trying desperately to hide it (which was easier than he thought when his Michelle was beaten to the ground by her twin). He was already popular as Sailor Psi! He bet that the other sailor senshi couldn't boast such immediate popularity!
"Well," he shrugged bashfully, trying to avoid revealing too much. "I'll probably end up seeing him some time - I mean, he's been in fights that have happened mostly on-campus! I heard he's been fighting this obnoxious little girl that likes to steal souls - isn't that scary?!"
It was clear, though, that Mujou didn't find this all scary as much as he found it insanely cool and awesome, as if he was living in a comic book. His eyes glistened at the thought of all the crime-fighting going on. "I hope he can save humanity from scary little girls," he began, suddenly realizing he was TALKING to a little girl, and blurting out apologetically, "I mean, so that adorable little girls like you can be save, Kakera-chan!" He blinked profusely, trying hard to hide his embarrassment.
Apparently, embarrassment was fine in front of Kakera; she thrashed his Michelle within another couple inches of her life, making adorable giggling noises like a little babbling brook. "Well, of course he's out to save my life, silly! He's Sailor Psi! I think it should be our job to find out who he is and congratulate him for being so awesome!" And then when Mujou isn't looking, kneecap him with an iron bar. "Don't you think that should be our mission?! I mean, just in case the obnoxious little - girl - does something dastardly and evil (which she totally could) we should congratulate him and try to save him and be his FAN CLUB. Yes! That's what we're going to do, Mujou-chan! What a great idea!"
As Mujou was about to respond gleefully to Kakera's proposal, a tapping sound on the window next to their game interrupted his enthusiastic agreement. A rather irate-looking owl was hovering just outside the window, and Mujou knew he'd be getting a lecture from Pathos if he didn't leave soon (well, he'd get a lecture either way, but it'd probably be less painful if he just split).
Letting go of the control pad (and secretly thanking God that he didn't have to keep losing to a 14-year-old), Mujou looked down at Kakera with a smile and a light stroke of her hair. "It was so much fun spending time with you today, Kakera-chan! We should do it again soon," he laughed, before kneeling down to come eye level with her. "Do you need me to walk you home?" he asked, a look of concern on his face.
"No, thanks!" Secretly cursing the gods of his incredibly stable sexuality, Pearl flung his arms around Mujou and gave him a loud, non-Japanese and non-consensual kiss on the lips; not using any tongue and solely mouth meant that no homosexuality could sink into the action. (It was, of course, far too late to be concerned about this.) "Keep on succeeding, Mujou-cha~an! Please remember to wash your socks and not slack off during your schoolwork!"
She took this point in time to sneak the cellphone from out of Mujou's pocket and memorize the number with a swift glance; that way, annoyance could be attained. "I'll call you!"
With that, Kakera gathered up her skirts in her hands and daintily skipped out of the arcade, looking every picture of a cheerful jailbait dancing hopefully into the traffic like the prettiest of flowers.
~ * ~
"Oh, gross," Pearl said in sotto voce tenor, the moment he turned the corner, and immaturely rubbed at his mouth. "Oh, YUCK. The things I do for the CAUSE."
~ * ~
Placing a hand to his cheek, Mujou swooned the deepest swoon possible from a doe-eyed boy in absolute love (or what he thought was love, anyway). Blinking at a rate of about 100 miles per minute, the boy practically floated out of the arcade, ignoring the frightened stares of the middle school children surrounding him.
The moment he stepped outside, though, Pathos flew down to him, glaring at Mujou as he hovered in front of the boy's face. Without warning, Mujou grabbed Pathos by the wings and brought the owl straight into his scrawny chest.
"Oh Pathos," he cried, loud enough for the entire street full of people to turn and stare at him, wondering where the boy had come from. "Isn't love wonderful?"
A muffled, sarcastic caw could be heard from Mujou's chest, but the love-struck boy continued.
"This truly must be the truest of true loves!" the college student cried, skipping down the sidewalk as he dragged Pathos painfully by the wings. Twirling in his own little love dance into a side alley, he continued. "I've finally found her, Pathos - she's the girl of my dreams!"
With a look of cold awe, the owl muttered, "You've got to be kidding."
Grinning at his guardian as if he'd said nothing, Mujou bounced up and down before striking a pose as if he was in his fuku. Lifting his free, right hand high into the air, he held onto Pathos (by the wing) with the other hand. "This is surely destiny! Finally, love and justice have been recognized!"
Pathos glared up at Mujou. "What sort of horrible spell did that obnoxious little creampuff cast upon you?!"
Hugging Pathos again to his chest, Mujou simply declared, "You just don't understand what it means to be in love, Pathos!
"Don't you see?" Striking yet another overly dramatic pose, he made his boldest declaration yet. "Sailor Psi has vanquished evil and acquired love! In the name of love, Sailor Psi will triumph over all evil!"
Finally letting go of a very worried Pathos, Mujou skipped out of the back alley, with his guardian following hastily.